Jordan Has a Blog » Funny

Duke vs. West Virginia NCAA Butler and Huggins getting close

Jordan — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 03:07:27 +0000

Wow I’ve never been so uncomfortable watching a basketball game before…

What is Google Wave?

Jordan — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 00:21:44 +0000

I can’t tell you how many people have asked me this over the last couple of months. So for many people I simply say that I’ll give them an invite and they can figure it out themselves. Unfortunately I still end up getting this question:

I don’t actually think Google Wave is worthless, it’s just the fact that no one has found any practical use that allows everyone to see the value in it.

This guy’s life sucks…

Jordan — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:54:08 +0000

Seriously though, he does Lotus Notes support for my current employer. Lotus Notes is the worst piece of shiz I’ve ever used in my life. The application has it’s own executable which is unofficially recommended by all IBMers that I have talked to which kills all processes that have loaded the notes DLLs. There have been coworkers that have attempted to pay the Help Desk to give them Outlook back and they had to assure the Help Desk that they weren’t joking. I cannot wait for the day that I never have to use this joke of a product again.

Anyone else who absolutely hates Lotus Notes, please check out I Hate Lotus Notes where you can vent your frustrations and even buy a T-Shirt to show your anti-support.

What I do at work all day

Jordan — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:45:24 +0000

A lot of people ask me what I do at work all day. I usually explain to them that I’m a programmer so I do a lot of computer stuff, really high tech things they just wouldn’t understand. They usually start praising me about how smart I am and how they wish they were me and this and that, you know the deal. But I decided to finally post something that I can refer people to every time I get the question. So here it is, what I do all day at work…

My Final Undergrad Presentation

Jordan — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 15:35:10 +0000

Computer Science Professional Ethics and Communications, the one class that stood between me and my undergraduate degree in Computer Science. We were given quite possibly the hardest task we had ever seen in our 4 years as Computer Science majors. The assignment was to make a presentation that would entertain our classmates which consisted of the nerdiest 30 people you will ever meet in your life (myself included). It’s basically a room full of guys that resemble College Humor’s impression of a Best Buy manager. But our professor wasn’t going to throw us in the lion’s den with no weapons. He gave us some fine pointers on how such a daunting task could be completed successfully. He showed us how Van Halen rocked it in their video for ‘Dreams’. WOW, how could we not make a great presentation after seeing that? But it didn’t stop there, we were shown Steve Ballmer’s enthusiasm at a Microsoft keynote. He even went as far as to show us how to entertain a crowd with a funny bit like the ‘Who’s on First’ skit. At this point, how could we make a presentation anything less than genius? So my good friend Conrad Weykamp and myself set out to make the best video anyone has ever seen…and we failed miserably. Luckily there was enough footage to throw a video together and show we at least tried! So here it is for the first time on the blog. Just a side note, my face looks gross in the first scene, which is definitely not due to the lack of sun from sitting in my man cave and programming all winter. Nor would my double chin brought on by Landshark and Bud Light Lime beer drinking have anything to due with it either. I blame that on our terrible director and producer Chris Pusateri who was barely up to the task of filming the video in a day and then putting it all together in 2 days with an 8 minute time restriction (What a bitch right? And for those that can’t pick up on the sarcasm, Chris was an absolute champion and was the only reason we finished this video on time, or had any chance in hell of making it happen in the first palce). So for your viewing pleasure, Conrad and Jordan’s Excellent Adventure. OH! One last thing, the presentation had to be about our proposal for a contest to the FAA for a more efficient and environmental friendly method of removing snow and ice off airport runways (which we won).

We should get a picture of the dude and his father…

Jordan — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 00:57:49 +0000

So without understanding the full story, these images are just incredibly creepy…OK they are a little creepy even with the story, but I have come to accept that. The story goes something like this. My roommates in college had been huge Binghamton Bearcats basketball fans since freshman year. I don’t think they missed a single home games our entire 4 years at school. I however, being a Syracuse native, thought the Bearcats were a joke. A team who has never been national champions, let alone gone dancing during March Madness is the last team I wanted to root for. That all changed my senior year when I was finally convinced to go to one game. The experience was amazing. I remember saying, “Wait, that’s the one the player that got arrested for stealing condoms at Walmart? AND they were Magnums?! Wow this feels just like a Syracuse game.” I instantly got Bearcat fever. So flash forward a couple months to the America East tournament being held in Albany. We of course had to attend this to show our support for our Bearcats. We had been considering many ways to get in the heads of the opposing players, and I had come up with a genius idea. I explained that we should scour the internets for a picture of one of the opposing teams star players posing with his father, blow this picture up to a life size poster, cut a hole out where the fathers head is, and put our faces into the poster. Now if anyone can explain to me how this isn’t the greatest idea ever, please leave a comment. Well the roommates didn’t think this was a good idea at all. They actually thought it was one of the dumbest things they had ever heard, and I heard it plenty. For the rest of the year whenever anyone had an idea, someone would pipe in, “and then we should get a picture of the dude and his father….” Well for the remainder of the semester, when the opportunity was there I ventured into my roommates room to find pictures of them and their fathers/grandfathers. So guys, I hope when you’re taking your big important lawyery tests at law school, or making the next great Pixar movie, you have this image stuck in your head and you realize what it could of done to our opponents during the America East Tournament.

–UPDATE–
Here is a video from when we first arrived at the tournament that I took on my iPhone where we actually discuss the idea (fast forward to the point where there is 2:35 left in the video to skip the meaningless convo in the beginning):

Chris Before:

Chris After:

Randy Before:

Randy After:

Dan Before:

Dan After:

I love you guys, don’t be too mad

Make It Viral

Jordan — Tue, 05 May 2009 03:21:35 +0000

Wow, this is some awesome viral marketing. A video response to the “Jizz In My Pants” song by The Lonely Island called “Puke In My Mouth.” This is advertising a fake engagement ring that ladies can wear in order to keep creepers away. This is going after an incredibly small market so making a video like this is almost necessary to make some noise and get the word out about a product. I think traditional advertising is worthless when there is such a small market for your product. I guarantee this video will have over one million views by the end of May. These people probably got a better response than paying for ad space somewhere, and it cost them nothing. Well done.

A Great Money Saving Tip

Jordan — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 02:11:42 +0000

Here is a great money saving tip by yours truly. Watch and learn!

Wait dude…what kind of car do you have?

Jordan — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:26:06 +0000

Check out the car I saw while driving around in Pittsburgh. Being that they are obviously one of the most obnoxious people ever to own a vehicle, I just had to snap a picture. Apparently the Honda symbol and “Accord” going across the back of the car wasn’t enough for this guy. He needed to get a custom license plate and a license plate frame that displayed the type of vehicle he was driving just in case you couldn’t figure it out for yourself.

Some People Really Suck at the Internets

Jordan — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:29:54 +0000

It’s midterm season and everyone is stressed out about what they got on this midterm and that midterm. It’s especially important around now because at my school, the withdraw deadline ends up being right near the first midterms, so people can decide if they want to get out of a class without taking a hit on their GPA. Well in one of my classes, one concerned student emailed their TA and asked how they were doing. Unfortunately the TA isn’t so great with email. They ended up sending this response to the entire class by accident:

“On the midterm you recieved a 55. You have 5 missed quizes which will get calculated into your average. You also have a 20 on one quiz. It is very likely you will not pass this class. What ever the reason for the position your in does not matter. If you are worried about your Gpa it would be in your best intrest to withdraw from this class. A withdraw does not look bad with a good reason.
Best of luck
Djk”

Considering no one else in the class got their midterm grades yet, everyone assumed this email was intended for them. Unfortunately some people suck at reading and just saw “On the midterm you recieved a 55. A withdraw does not look bad with a good reason.” and decided to withdraw from the class. If they had read the whole email they would have realized this wasn’t intended for them (unless they really did miss 5 quizes). The next day the Registrar’s office had quite the fun day un-withdrawing people. Goes to show why being computer literate is so essential in today’s world.